Rules for the Uncomplicated Life

Aug 29

Rule #13. Respect Yourself

So here is the deal. I just ended things with a guy, and honey, it has been a long time coming. He treated me like shit. He used me, lied to me, and cheated on me. And I let him. When I tried to say something about it, he blamed it all on me. And I took it. So whose fault is that? Mine.  But I learned my lesson. I let him do that, and disrespected myself. If I don’t respect myself, why should he? But I don’t blame him. He is just a stupid boy. This is on me. I knew better.

So darlings, don’t put yourselves through crap like this. Respect yourself enough to know when to stand up and realize you’re better than the bullshit. Did he have some amazing & redeeming qualities? Absolutely! But was it worth it? No. Was it okay that I LET myself be treated so poorly? Absolutely not!  Know your worth, even if someone else doesn’t.

Jul 28

Rule #12. It’s Okay to Have Enemies

Not everyone is going to like you. And that is perfectly alright! But here is the thing… if you’re pissing EVERYBODY off, you need to take a good look at yourself and realize that you’re a fucking asshole. And you’re probably going to end up a lonely old bitch.  

Jul 25

Rule #11. You Can Spend Thousands of Dollars & Still Look Cheap

It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, who you’re wearing, or where you bought it. I’ve seen girls buy an entire outfit from target and look like they spent a thousand dollars. Focus on picking cute, classy pieces that flatter your body type. And it’s all about how you wear it. Be confident!

Jul 24

Rule #10. Embrace Who you Really are

When you try to be someone you’re not, it’s obvious you are completely insecure with yourself… so why flaunt it? Changing your personality around different people is not going to help your cause. It does not matter what brand of clothes you wear, what tier your sorority is, or how many Facebook friends you have. No one wants to hear how drunk you always get or how many guys your talking to. Actions speak and so do people. Be classy, or at least try to be. All that matters are the people who truly care about you and how happy you allow yourself to be. Things are better imperfect, so embrace it.

Jul 22

Rule #9. If You Have to Say You Are, You Aren’t!

Let your actions speak for you! If you have to explain to everyone how “classy” you are… thats a pretty good indicator that you’re not! Sorryboutcha!

And, of course, that girl who says “No really! I DONT CARE!” Oh yeah? Baby girl, we all see you looking over at that betch every 8 seconds. And you bring up every freakin day! Me thinks thou doth protest too much!

Jul 22

Rule #8. Drop Any of Your Friends Who Take Mirror Pictures

“Cute pic!… of you in your bathing suit… that you took with your phone… in your bathroom.”

I’m sorry but any picture that features your toilet or shower curtain in the background, will never be sexy.

If this describes you, please leave those flattering mirror pics to the classy people of Myspace. Its not nice to steal their trademark pose!
If this describes your friend, kindly guide your mouse to the “defriend” option.

These people are clearly perpetually stuck in their pre adolescent narcissistic phase. And I can almost assure you that problems will arise with person. Acknowledge the reg flag and drop this person.

Your welcome!

Jul 22

Rule #7. When You Break Up, Cut ALL Ties

I know! Easier said than done, right?! Who hasn’t felt the temptation to check an ex’s facebook, just to see what they’re up to? I sure have. But here’s the thing: inevitably, you find something that upsets you. Or maybe you look over old texts, or pictures from when you two were happy. But this just makes you rethink ending things. You second guess your break up. Soon, you start wanting to call or text again. But who is this helping? Do you really think that it’going to make you feel better? Do you really think that you are going to be able to fix the problems? When you do this, you’re not fixing the problems; you are simply choosing to look past them. Healthy? I think not!

So when you end a relationship, delete everything! Their number, old texts, voicemails, block them on facebook, unfollow their twitter. Do what you have to do. This way, when those moments of weakness strike, you are protected from yourself and your temptations. Cold turkey… it’s really the only effective way to quit anything.  That doesn’t mean you can be kind, polite, and friendly when you interact with this person. It just means that you are moving on and doing what’s best for you. After all, how can you leap into your future when you’re tied to your past?
Jul 22

Rule #6. Never Fall Below!

Every last one of us have certain people *cough* girls in our lives that have always been jealous of us. Whenever you walk into the room you sense the tension and can tell that as soon as the words come out of her mouth, they are stabs at you. We all know that it would be completely satisfying to go over, rip her hair out, and give her a piece of your mind. Unfortunately that would only fuel the fire. You have to remember that kindness is your best weapon, so plaster that smile on your face and always acknowledge her presence. Bless her heart and send your regards because, honey, jealousy is a disease…get well soon.

Jul 22

Rule #5. Don’t Trust Cat People

No! I don’t to see 20 pictures of your cats. Try having relationships with real people! Maybe then you wouldn’t be so awkward and make us all so uncomfortable…

Jul 22

Rule #4. Don’t Hang Around Girls who Fake Pregnancies

“OH MY GAWD! I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me. He says I’m too ’high maintaince’ and that I am ‘needy.’ I know what I’ll do! I will trap him by saying I am pregnant! And then I will prove to him I am neither of those things. Then,when he loves me again, I will tell him the truth!”

Thats not even funny. Your poor boyfriend. Do you enjoy scaring the crap outta people?! Thats so desperate and manipulative. Such a sad cry for attention (or therapy —whatever!). Ladies, if your friend does this, recognize the crazy and run like hell!